Saturday, January 31, 2026
nice walk
Starting at the home, went down through their garden, getting finally to an iron fence and a meadow there sloping down quite steeply to a stream. It looks as if following the stream down to the left you get to the road into Speldhurst. You can get to the road, cross the stream and get back into fields the other side of the stream.
Must try and find out where the bus stops are, and pavements.
M
weekend breakfast
Seems to be somewhat later, and maybe mostly in bed.
I am still only one in dining room
M
jays. magpies, crows
testing if on line
M
Friday, January 30, 2026
returned the clippers
M
some connection problems
I think signal inside the building is not very strong at the top where my bedroom is. Once it gets established, it seems ok. But it seems slow to get going
M
cut my toe nails
I seem to be the only one eating breakfast downstairs.
So I have the place to myself.
Straightened the three pictures in the dining room. They were getting on my nerves.
M
nail clippers at last
I have not managed to get my toe nails cut since I went ill. Finally I have two pairs, and will shortly snip my toes nails, after a good soaking.
M
Thursday, January 29, 2026
wifi
now in new care home
In speldhurst. Now got as far as using their in house wifi.
Had an excellent lunch, and reorganised my top floor bedroom completely.
It is quite a fun care home, in a grand house. I do not know its age, but could be earlier than edwardian. Grand fireplaces and elaborate ceiling moulding. So home on steriods. It has far too much stuff, victorian collections etc, everywhere. It is a huge change from previous place wich was clinically modern.
Anyway it is nice to think that I am allowed to walk outside.
M
two pairs of pants had been quietly returned
langton green is Speldhurst
When describing bus routes, langton green is called speldhurst. In terms of council division this may be correct, but for the bus traveller not very helpful.
M
all packed up in bedroom
And shaven.
Next breakfast, and waiting for Jono to arrive.
M
Wednesday, January 28, 2026
completed questionaire
Two nice ladies did the questionaire with me. Very straight forward, with scope for jokes etc.
Will be arranging some transport mostly likely for tomorrow.
Clearly some routes across fields into the village
M
some of the staff rush around too much.
For all sorts of reasons, this is bad practice.
Staff need to think ahead, planning their strategies, weighing up priorities, optimising the whole operation, appearing under control.
More haste, less speed
M
song thrush singing outside my window
I think this rather than blackbird. Anyway the one that repeats the first phrase.
M
Tuesday, January 27, 2026
daughter of 98 year old patient
I did not catch her name. She is 70, and a bird fanatic and photographer. She is exactly the sort of person to provide experteese to the bird count. Lives locally
I expect SWT know all about, as she has done a lot at rye harbour reserve.
Martin
breakfast on ground floor
No idea when to go. Sounds as if they all start at 8 oclock. Once I go down I will have to stay there.
I think I will go for twenty past eight.
M
heated up the soup
I did my good deed for the day at supper last night. For some reason they had not heated the soup up enough. So I proceeded to get everyone at the table reheated soup. Proper gentleman etc
M
making my bed in the morning
I think the staff are a bit pressed at the moment, and my bed has not been made a few mornings. So I have started putting it straight and smooth, but without the cover. Looks much better.
M
interview for speldhurst
Start at 9.00
If they can find me. I better go down early for breakfast. 3 floor still being painted.
M
went into the ground floor lounge
I ventured into the ground floor resident's lounge and dining area, having got fed up with the small lounge which is used by the top floor residents.
Sat again at the table with the 98 year old, and had a good chat and supper. She is a remarkable lady. She talked a bit about hop picking and apple orchards as they used to be. I think the family ran some services for the farmers.
M
10.30 session
I am told the person from the Speldhurst care home will visit me at 10.30 .
I imagine she will be talking to this home's staff before seeing me.
M
my mad lady
I don't know why she should suddenly be the person to intrude into my room. Maybe the man is now too scared.
Anyway, with my trousers down, I chased her out of the door in no uncertain terms,
I hope I scared her. She is a total pest.
I sat near the man at lunch time. He behaved himself, and stayed the whole meal, which is rare. He may have had a difficulty wiith his comfy chair.
M
packing
I have done as much preparation as I can, in packing, organising etc
I think some boxes for the books, is something we could do with.
There is the odd garment that I do not recognise.
M
Monday, January 26, 2026
found my room locked a couple of times recently
I guess staff spotted one of the usual guys trying to get into my room. This continues to be annoying. But it probably is not a serious worry, given that they probably are not capable of hiding things or whatever.
M
Moving to speldhurst
Just to record I should be moving to a different nursing home this coming thursday, if all goes well.
I will be then free to visit places during the day time. No driving at the moment, at my choice.
I am looking forward to the freedom this will give me.
M
lego Japanese style flowers in pot
I got a present of this lego chrisanthemum. I spent a lot of time putting it together yesterday evening, and was very pleased with it. I used up all the pieces as well.
I took it into the main dining area, and it was admired by one of the night staff. She was rather surprised when I told her it was not alive, but lego.
I took on into breakfast as well, and said absolutely nothing. Who knows what ghey thought. Maybe I will be questioned sometime.
M
daughter of 98 year old lady is seriously good ornithologist and photographer
I met the daughter and discussed various things. She lives locally. Aged c70.
Very serious ornithologist and photographer. She would be a good addition to any nature reserve. Has spent a lot of time at Rye, so maybe Keith has met her. Her mother doubts the chances of attracting her as a helper. Her mother is not an ordinary 98 year old!!
Anyway not much harm in asking.
M
my doctor visited me
I had a completely unexpected visit from my hospital doctor plus assistant. Very good session with them. Main points are
. He thinks it won't happen again
. I am free to do any activity I want to, ie fives, coaching, etc
. Fine for driving, but test youself out on other things first
. He supports continued tamulosin. I am still on it here
. He does not know what caused it, and there is no point in finding out
. I think he was rather surprised and pleased by my 'energy'
So basically a remarkably clean bill of health.
M
Bar!!
There is a diminuative bar in the corner of the temporary dining room.
Fives
Looks as if I could be moving to a speldhurst care home as early as end of this week.
And even going to Tonbridge Fives on Friday afternoon.
M
ground floor
It looks as if we will be partially separated on the ground floor, particularly for eating.
For other times, some mixing is to be encouraged.
I met again the spritely old lady who actually is 98. Amazing lady, and the brightest of them.
I suspect things will be difficult this lunch time, with many just staying put on the third floor.
Anyway, I have tried to help out. And will continue to do so. But taking to odd rest back in my room.
The lady got given a fry up with 2 sausages, beans and waffle. For ages she spurned it, but did eventually eat it all. She has no concept of how childish this behaviour is.
The man looked a little lost because has nowhere to run away to.
The staff look a little uncomfortable.
Apparently in two weeks time, they recarpet our dining room. Thank heavens I won't see that come to pass
M
2 or 3 days of painting.
There is a very small table, 6 people max, in a much smaller room. Breakfast can be spread out over an hour or so, but lunch and dinner are going to be stressful.
It is possible that people opt for meals in their bedrooms. I hope so.
Also some could join the ground floor dining room. Me for instance.
The lady looked rather lost and stared at her sausage and beans for so long, they must have got cold. But she did eventually eat them.
The staff looked as if they had not been properly consulted.
Watch this space.
M
painting the canteen room
We are having breakdast served on the ground floor today, because of painting works.
This will be interesting. And probably a bit chaotic.
I imagine it will be the doorway that is the issue.
M
Sunday, January 25, 2026
I wondered whether I should offer the flowers to the dining room. No.
I am quite attached to them now, and the track record of the home looking after things is not brilliant. The man and lady might see it as an opportunity to get their own back. I am not giving them the opportunity.
M
pigeons and blue tit
Pigeons seem to have finally found the seed. Maybe ghey have perfectly good sourcrs elsewhere. Anyway nice that they came to see me off.
All the seed is outside, and the is another bag of food which is still sealed and I can take wigh me.
M
having to finish the bird food
dont think I should risk moving the bag, so birds are going to get big helpings the next two days.
It is quite a tight fit using ones hands to throw the seed, and I might just have to pour it.
M
Flowers taken into lunch
I got a few strange looks, as I went in. Staff obviously had picked things up from last night. People at the table were a little surprised, nbut did not say anything. The lady was distinctly uncertain,but did not do Or say anything.
So a bit of an anticlimax.
It is now complete in that there are no spare pieces in the box.
M
fives and old lodge are possible
Provided someone can transport me, I see no reason why I should not be active at Old Lodge and Tonbridge school.. I guess I will get exhausted to start off with.
M
On the move
Just to say that I will be moving from this care home to one in Speldhurst sometime this week.
Mostly this is to make me more mobile, as the current place is usually dealing with people who cannot be trusted in public and has strict containment policies.
Once I had 'come round', so to speak, I really did not fit in with their usual profile. I almost became one of the staff.
I am looking forward to a change of style.
M
I searched for myself ... nothing
I searched for ' martin wilkinson' 'rugby fives' 'old lodge' and got precisely nothing.
I suspect that with advent of the artificial intelligence add ons, there has been a reduction in real searches, and probably they are hoping to quietly drop those searches.
The ownership of all these facilities continues to shrink, and the ones left are big monopolies who wont be interested.
So bye-bye to a really nice feature. The may be a few folks that keep it going, but without government intervention they only will have say 20 years left.
M
internet is getting too complicated
Just when you think you have found the right application, the process of downloading it takes over, and confuses the hell out of you. So much so that at the end if it you cannot remember what the application was called in the first place.
I think i need to get a different browser.
M
so annoying that downloading apps is so confused by other offers of downloads.
It used to be easy to download things, and now the big boys are making it difficult.
Maybe i should change browser
M
just played the catapult game
A few arcade games, with headphones, in the lounge would be another great idea to keep the minds active.
It is terribly difficult to judge beforehand whether people could or would play them. I would give it a try. Might encourage people to bring their grandchildren along as well
M
All the staff had been clearly warned
That is what I expected and intended. Full marks to them for leting it run the gauntlet of breakfast
M
took lego flower to breakfast
She was clearly eyeing it. I will have fun if she gets her man to steal it.
I finished off all the pieces by adding an extra tiny flower. So the box is now completely empty.
I guess my thoughts are that these places need lots of toys to play with. Anything is better than endless tv
M
Finished a new lego present
Exotic flowers in chinese bowl. I did it yesterday evening. You need good eye sight to tell it is not real. I think i will take it in breakfast for fun.
M
have chosen next care home
I guess I will move mid week. Looking forward to getting away from the poor sods here on the top floor. I have been treated very well, and I have only praise for the staff.
M
Saturday, January 24, 2026
Neil, and grandchildren visited.
It was good to see Neil and co. Quite hard work being entertaining to the two girls. But I think it went Ok. The elder girl is getting to driving age, if not already there.
I explained my puzzle over having no memory of having seen any doctors in Pembury. I am still trying to work it out. Is it all remote scanning, and no verbal questioning?
Anyway very nice to have a visit.
M
The Internet is being monopolised.
The internet used to be quite friendly and manageable. It is no being steamrollered by a few big operators, and is just full of junk adverts and such like.
They are in such a hurry, things are being handled in a sloppy way.
I am not sure if there is a white knight available to save us.
I await things like
. Ads on phone calls
. The big guys charging the little guys entry into their environment
. Loss of technical consistency across company
. Closure of old standard technology, such as older printing methods
These monopolies need to be better internationally controlled, with support for equipment enforced for a longer time frame. There really should be no forced obscelescence.
M
Goring's missing calendar found.
I should have spotted it earlier. They should have highlighted it was back, like putting it up as requested in the first place. Basically they did not do anything.
Anyway it is up on the wardrobe, and I am glad it is safe.
M
sometimes difficult to send yourself a file
Speldhurst bus timetable is an example.
I imagine it is something to do with shared networks here
Martin
speldhurst
Name is totally familiar, but I don't recognise the images of the roads. Is it a place one always goes round?
M
lady's uncontrolable panic
Just outside the dining room, a classic case of hyperventlating. I doubt if she will make breakfast today.
M
Friday, January 23, 2026
remembering
I have started remembering a little of the build up to my entering hospital. I started having urinary problems at home, which would not go away, and my d.i.y prevention systems were not perfect. Nothing terribly serious, but I should have gone to the doctor in retrospect. I was fine in the day, but it affected my nighttime.
I have no memory of being taken to hospital or being checked by a doctor at home.
M
no news today
the poco machine is being a bit wayward, in that things are not running smoothly. New versions of aps, etc. So having a shake up. And this may be boring.
M
Thursday, January 22, 2026
Samuel Bowles on mindscape
A fab episode about various economic models, and how they continue to change. Highly recommended.
Interesting how it is not very clear how they will continue to change, and depends how the nations change the distribution of wealth, which is getting out of hand.
M
how do you train old people with learning disabilities.
Obviously I don't know how to describe my target. So you will just have to work somethings out.
Do you reward successes and penalise failures? It could a bit hit and miss. Particularly since people may not have spotted some obvious disabilities in say sight or hearing. You could make some awful blunders.
I think you have to have long term observations by a significant number of workers who are in daily contact with the patient. These results are then crudely totalled up, and possibly aggregated across observation subject, and say the top two issues taken to the next stage of investigation. How you then deal with those two, will depend heavily on what they are.
So this is a broad brush description of something that is site specific.
i have no idea how easy or hard this will be.
I much prefer just being a loner in my quirky methods and principles. :-(
M
two eating extremes
The new man on the block did not disappoint. He soon stood up and wandered around the table eating other people suppers. Completely blatant. He unfortunately did not get down to me. It was considered rather hilarious by people. I think the humerous aspects will not last. At least he has the right idea, namely that he must eat.
The lady continues to refuse to eat according to the timetable, and pushes the food away and plays with her paper napkins. I don't know what gibberish she says to me, but I tell her again and again, that if she does not start eating, it will be taken away from her without warning. Eventually she starts it and pretty well finishes it bar a couple of brown crusts, and it gets cleared away. I think her sweet is untouched and junked.
I think tomorrow I will try to sit a little further away, and she will experience her normal problems. She is pretty fit and fast on her feet, so normal dementia is unlikely, and I have no idea what problems she has. Some sort of lack of planning or analysis? She is always annoyed when they take her full plates away. She would be better told to eat in her room.
M
How do you stop her garbage
When she has started on some line of thought, I am at a loss as to how to stop her.
I basically said that I don't understand a word she has said. But this does not stop her, continuing complete garbage. There are gaps where I am meant to say something, which I do.
The only explanation is that, she is not listening to the words. I think that I must be in a position where she cannot hear the words themselves, and so she imagines what I say. And continues on.
So the rule must be absolutely make sure you are in a position where she will hear your words. I am not quite sure how she managed at the dining room table, but I was much closer to her left ear. I was speaking at her right ear in the corridor.
So we have established a few things here. For me the main one is that she is not phased by not understanding what you have said, making the assumption that it will not alter her progress with talking.
It is pretty unsociable, but she does not care. That she needs no confirmation of your enjoyment of the conversation is a serious problem, and is difficult to understand. A dictator spouting rubbish. That is about it.
A frequent check, is called for. Just say "I cannot understand you, can you hear me?".
If she can hear you, then I would just leave.
If she cannot, then insist on moving position, and repeat the test.
I could imagine that she was a pretty dictatorial manager at Nat West. But that is not necessarily bad. Carrying that into retirement is a disaster for herself, which she is obviously now not aware of.
Hope the analysis helps someone
M
I like Trumps geographic ideas...
... because one look at the map and you can see that Canada should be the big supporter of greenland ambitions.
Now it does not have to be anything too contravertial, just some co-opertation treaty at this time.
It will irritate Trump no end.
M
For anyone trying out my ideas...
WARNING ... You will need to adapt the ideas to the point where you are happy with them. They are totally untested.
M
how do you handle the man?
He is the architypal runner. He has to get away after a time on the 'floor'.
He should be taught that there is nothing wrong with running off the stage for 100 seconds. Indeed encouraged to do it as soon as he has finished what he wants.
And there is nothing wrong with coming back as if nothing has happened. There are hoards of reasons that could explain the absense, plenty being medical that no one wants to talk about, anyway.
He should be encouraged to make sure the helpings are of manageable size, with the server prompting him a little. That can all be seen as medical as well.
What could go wrong? Well, I think it will be a long haul, given his current detachment from life, and probably a domination by the Lady. I doubt if she would help.
Easy to write this, difficult to activate, and may be doomed to failure. But no worse than the current situation.
Do not ask me to help. Remember I hit him pretty hard. That worked for me, but not for him.
M
how confident should one be
I feel like saying that people can often be too confident and often too under confident. That is you will never get it right, either at an instant in time, or judge over a period if time. In fact it may be a useless way of describing things.
But then I think I can identify people over the top, and underneath the bottom.
I guess I would not mind being asked each month on a comment, and let them monitor the movements over time. But is it much help.
Ultimately this may be about the charisma of the clairvoisant!! ie useless.
I think it is more about, do they choose their stance to the current circumstances well? The lady makes a complete mess of it. I really dont know about the gentleman. Another lady hides herself. Etc etc. There is nothing scientific going on, at all. Just rather catastrophic guesswork.
But I do think the Lady may want to be better received. Her bluff has been called. Her man is not helping her. Does not even sit near her, and then departs after a spoonful of soup.
Martin
Escape to the garden
One of the newish inmates has twice tried my door to see if it has a passage way to the garden. Rather optimistic, and I suggested he find a friendly nurse to escort him.
I guess after winter, this might be possible.
But I found it interesting, in that I would not have expected him to be so actively rebellious. No way will he break out.
M
Guided the lady through the meal.
I thought I would try a different tack, and tried to guide her through eating her main course, explaining what the server would think on seeing the state of her plate. And amazingly she let me do it.
At various stages she made outrageous claims, such as saying the broccholi was more than a day old. I squashed those claims with zero comeback.
She stopped eating a couple of times, but then resumed.
Eventually we had a completely clean plate. And we let the server take it away.
I congratulated her. She did not complain. She seemed to accept that times that I called her bluff. And the server handled everything very well.
I did explain how the server would previously think she had finished and would then start clearing. Nothing was challenged.
Wow.
M
Tried out my binoculars at the end window
It is a pity there is always glass between inside and outside. Obviously necessary.
There is really not much activity in the woodland, basically little food. But the buds are coming along nicely, and it will soon be attracting insects. There was one woodpecker, but I really am not sure about its size. Also male tawny calling.
Martin
twice opened wrong door
The painting disrupts the look of the passage, colour of doors , chairs moved, etc. So no surprise.
I was surprised who it was. He is normally very affable.
He is going away for a weekend, so may be up tight. But just shows how deep some things are. I hope I don't loose it.
M
why are some so abusive?
I was amazed how abusive one guy was to a couple of nurses. When he emerged I was surprised, because he was a patient who I would not have described as being so inclined.
I hope I never got so abusive. I guess there is a fine line between abuse and making angry.
I think he is out visiting someone this weekend, so maybe he is up tight about that.
Guess I start with the thought that a rational person cannot be abusive.
Obviously my modification would be a mentally ill person can appear rational and abusive at tne same time. That is, expect chaos.
Stop and ponder if you can.
I was surprised who it was. He is normally very affable.
____
He is going away for a weekend, so may be up tight. But just shows how deep some things are. I hope I don't loose it.
M
internet stuck?
Probably not. I think it is a link that gets set up automatically that gets things stuck.
Basically clear things out and try again
M
bee mug
on the window cill
Not sure if it was an xmas present. I think so. Got cleared up into the homes collection of mugs
M
Wednesday, January 21, 2026
my appetite in hospital
I have no bad memories of food in hospital, indeed the opposite. I feel I was always hungry and almost always finish everythong offered to me.
This again confirms the distinct phases, with good memory in the general ward, and nothing in the specialist ward.
I suppose that I am surprised that I don't remember the transfer to the care home, but that could have been a mixture of bed pressure, certainty that I was recovering, slow clearing of a drug regime.
Anyway I do not remember much about the first few days here, or the last few days there. I do remember trying take control of my rampant hallucinations, and the breakthrough that these tended to arrive early on in any period of awareness. So that I needed to generally ignore lots of stuff until there was evidence of something more concrete. I do not know where I was at that point.
M
conscious or unconscious
I wss thinking about the wards hat I do have some memory of, and noticing that these were really for people that would naturally wake up in the morning, and be conscious. If you were basically not having the routine, then you really needed some machines to watch over you, 24 hours a day, producing alerts as and when necessary. These would be a different kind of ward.
I would expect the doctors to spend the majority of their time considering rhe second type of patient, in that the first type would only be seen by exception, when there was a change in the condition of the patient.
So most of the doctors time in the second type of ward would be with an unconscious me, which I would probably not remember.
So my memory is most likely correct and also appropriate. And nothing to worry about. Probably totally routine. The family would have had and remembered far more about them, than me.
So my search for information is nice and simple. Ask the family.
M
I think that I should try and remember some of the recent events, when I was having serious dificulties
I guess I thought I would be scared by them, but actually I think they may be more calming. I survived, have apparently made a good recovery, am getting along fine. So the chances are that the doctors were perfectly sympathetic to me, and did not disturb my progress.
The nurses were much more treatening, and I really did not approves of their attitude. I remember them clearly.
Ergo
M
my has been painted on the outside.
The new guy
I think I know what I found interesting about this person. He seemed perfectly calm and sensible. If he knew an answer he responded just like a sane person. And the next minute he would be asked a question, and he said he would have to guess. When asked what year it was he had to guess, 2018.
Now he was not phased by this. I found it scary.
Maybe I was like this
M
One of the new residents kept coming back into my room.
He seemed completely determined to come in. I had to shoo him out twice, and then basically lock the door on him.
He is pretty non-verbal to boot
M
The paint is miracle stuff.
Clearly professional paint has advanced a lot in recent years.
- It hardly smells of anything
- it dries in five minutes, for repainting
- it is totally dry in twenty minutes
- it is cleaned with water
Wow.
M
used my binoculars seriously for first time here.
The light was poor, and nothing much to see. But it was good using them again. A little heavy! But good exercise, I suppose
M
she is determined to expand her territory
Obviously everything is rather pathetic, but her attempts to claim a chunk more than half the table is particularly so.
What is she thinking?
I hear what she says but I have do idea what she is trying to convey, other than confusion.
She is terribly slow at spotting a server coming to her seat. This is why it causes such a car accident. The server is half way taking something away before she realises that some is even there.
When she talks about this, I have absolutely no idea what she is saying. I now just say that, hopefully sufficiently loud for her neighbours to hear.
She clearly has distain for almost everyone around her. Maybe my replies are just not strong enough. They tend to be rather forceful, but polite. I really should try things that are not too forceful, but distinctly impolite.
How about ' you're not bloody matron', 'you don't scare me', 'you're just a fraud', 'nobody understands your gibberish', 'you're not getting any browny points for that garbage'. These are clearly all completely true, and the issue is that they are not polite. But she is is also not polite.
M
long discussion with T and K
About moves and tactics in getting short term residence in Goring.
M
my Doctor will be a 'Hospital' doctor
side panels can block other functionality
Got stuck trying to press a button on the rhs. It thought I was pressing the side oanel and not the visible button
M
new guy
He looks totally sensible, but when questioned by a nurse, it became clear that he is actually having real problems of his memory.
M
washed my hair
Tuesday, January 20, 2026
The painting is all down my end now
It is quite a team of painters, and they seem to be very competent.
They seem to be doing the corridors first and then the individual bedrooms. Not quite sure how they will cope with the main sitting/dining room.
So a big job.
There are some people that are bed ridden and one never sees them. These guys are so good I expect them to entertain the patient in the room, and occasionally shift their bed around a bit.
I imagine all the paint is water based. I am pretty unaware of any classic paint smell.
No radios either.
M
when have you finished?
I saw two interesting examples, one each of the nomadic couple.
The man normally makes a simple run for it, between the soup and main course. This time he got up to go as normal, then hestitate, and slowly sat down again. This was repeated a few times and he ate a bit of the main course. The final he managed to stand and scarper.
I think this actually reflected low blood pressure, so that when he stood up initially, he felt a little dizzy and unstable, and decided to sit again. This repeated for a period, during which his digestion started to put a bit more energy in the blood stream, and he finally managed to set off.
Obviously there could be all sorts of explanations. But he never looks particularly fit.
She did her normal gambit of pushing her plate, still with some salad, away to the side, together with the rejected ice cream, that had also been pushed away. After some time she pulled the main plate back, but really nothing more. The server came along, and moved to take both plates away, and got ticked off by her in a pretty annoyed fashion.
My interpretation is that she thought she had eaten enough, so pushed things away. Gradually she realised that he was still hungry, and pulled the not very appertising salad back. Then was psyching herself up to eat the salad that she had already ostentatiously rejected, when the server came.
My view is that she thinks the server is stupid and unobservant, and should get her disdain.
I told her that quite reasonably the server had thought she had finished eating, as had most of the dining room.
So I got the normal glares. But I bet all the people sitting round her got the message.
I also had her say something too me at one point. This Is always difficult. ' I am afraid I have not got the least idea what you are saying', said as distinctly as possible so her neighbours could hear. She does not try to repeat or clarify. She knows it was gobble-de-goupe (?spelling?), and was banking on it shutting me up. Most people don't dare to admit they could not understand what she has said.
M
had my haircut
Amazingly good. Lady followed instructions perfectly. Very pleased with it.
Enormous amount of hair on the floor
I note that most of the ladies who have their haircut here, actually come from the other two floors, and all of them seem to have still got their marbles.
M
weather looking dark.
Just after lunch, and it looks dismal.
I suppose I should have kept a bit more warmth on my head.
I guess girls are not concerned where their crown is. If they need a parting somewhere, they just put it there.
Boys are more likely to have a fixed parting starting at the crown.
The lady put my parting on the wrong side to start with. But I did not tell her about looking for my crown.
M
heard tawny owl last night
woodpecker seen
I think a great spot, but it did not look quite big enough. Not a nuthatch, and looked too big for lesser.
Will have to keep eyes open for it.
M
why do I not remember seeing any doctor at hospital.
I cannot remember any doctor, either at bedside or surgery.
I remember nurses in the place where there was a long corridor with rooms either side and a viewing area at both ends. Exit in the middle.
The nurses were not very friendly, and seemed to be over controlled. No relationships with patients.
M
my hair cut
Tapered back
Off the eyes, above raised eyebrows
Side burns half way up ear
Apologise for three month out.
M
lady opposite me in hair dressers is 98
I would have guested slightly older than me.
Completely with it as well. Amazing
Not the sign of any tremors
M
about to have haircut
The lady hair dresser came today, and I am grabbing the opportunity. I am not the only man waiting. One ouur new residents is infront of me in the queue.
Two other ladies, probably from the ground floor are also here.
Glad I washed my hair about a week ago.
M
Greenland is near Canada
Clearly denmark should allow greenland to have much close ties with Canada. Trump would hate that.
M
why do I have no recollection of ever seeing a doctor while in Pembury hospital
I have plenty of memories of other things. I even have memories of wondering when I would ever see a doctor.
M
what happened at the pembury hospital three day event.
Why do I have no recollection of days two and three. Why do I think there was an accident?
M
Monday, January 19, 2026
what does it mean to be conscious?
I guess I am choosing this subject, as a result of the variety of states, tales, memories, lack of memories, confusions, imaginations, etc, etc over the last few months.
I don't expect to write anything profound. But I think it might help to record something. My impression is that I was too eager to recover, and would almost immediately loose it quickly and chaotically. It was only after realising that a large percentage of the things I recalled never happened, that I started to make any progress. So I had a lot of non-events to ignore before getting to things that I was not sure about, and which I could take time to consider. Normally most of these were dubious, but worth noting. Then finally I had things that actually might be real, and needed more time allocated to them to check them out.
This whole process seemed very slow to me, but relatively safe, and did involve being very conscious of real, as opposed imaginary, sounds and voices. I am sure I made lots of mistakes, but because I kept my expectations under control, I probably continued to move forward a bit.
Then followed a massive leap forward, and its details I really cannot make any sense of.
I then found myself suddenly as one of the only sane people in the nursing home, wondering why almost nobody else was sane.
M
my eating
I lost a lot of weight in hospital. When becoming conscious aagain in the care home, it felt important to regain my weight quickly, which I have done.
Other than stringy arms, I think I am back to a sensible shape. So now I have reduced what I am eating. It is still far more than any of the other occupants, but much less than I have recently been eating.
It is helped by the fact that after a few weeks you have already had all the possible sandwich varieties.
I should say that the food is much much better than one might expect, being healthy, fresh, varied particularly the veg, and overall very tasty. I have not left any scraps or uneaten food, during the whole time.
M
time is just a dimension, not a process
We should not think of things in the past as gone forever. We should see all four dimensions in a similar fashion.
We can go to a particular point in the four dimensional object, to see ourselves there.
We should see our life as a subset of this object. It is just there. We are there as life, not as a temporary thing.
I am not sure how we ask some to play it again, but it is clearly there to play.
Lets hope you had a good life and a good family.
Martin
I should remind readers that they can write entries to this blog.
I get to approve them prior to them going public. I will try and do this asap.
M
there are runners, who cannot yet do it
There are people who look very uncomfy when they have finished their meal. They have not yet worked out that they could instantly leave the room.
We have one who stays, and looks most uncomfortable. He does a series of stretches, but this does not relax him. He would be better running. Calming down, and then try re-entering.
Probably a very large cup of coffee would satisfy his needs.
Anyway, all these runners are unfortunates in that they are always going to be agitated to some degree.
I just see the scene as very complex theatre, and there is reward in trying to make some sense out of it. I am sure that the servers do get enough exposure, to be able to help the inmates. So I should point out that I am not trying to flag any failings.
M
the runners are sane.
I am still not quite satisfied with what I have written. My title here may close one aspect.
I am saying the the runners are being totally rational in their decision to run. That is the best solution to their problem. The onus is on the servers to avoid their problem, in the first place.
Martin
I think I am over thinking this.
The people getting away from the dining room table, are running away from being embarrassed. Nothing more.
Once they have finished they will have to rejoin society. God forbid. So they run.
Once they reach the main corridor, they appear to relax. While they are just starting to eat, it is not a problem. But when they can feel they are finishing, my god, I might have to socialize.
So If you could lay out their next food just before they scarper, and they are allowed to start it without having to wait, they may stay the course, until the final course, which could be something long like a large mug of coffee.
In practice, people tend to be allowed to finish one course before going onto the next one. This is the worst scenario, for a runner. Taking away something they don't think finished is also traumatic.
Much better to put out the next course well before they need it.
Anyway I think I have made the point. Make sure they are concentrated on a supply that is not going to run out. Try to have three at a table. Don't give them an uncertain sequence of dishes. Always let them decide when a course is finished.
M
why do people want to rush away from lunch table.
I just want to finish and the relax, to digest my food? But so many of the inmates here get say half way through, and then want to scarper. What on earth is going on here?
Is this some home trauma, that they are trying to avoid?
Is it wanting to join their school mates who have already scarpered.
They clearly cannot overcome the urges, and alwats nanage to escape, sometimes using a significant amount of force.
I have only the suggestion of much smaller helpings, so that they are still hungery after their first helping. But that might need some automation to work smoothly.
I suppose they may want to search for a loo, but they don't give any indications of that. Maybe they forget, once they stand up?
Maybe they don't like the size of the table, and are scared of being observed by many, I think I can understand this, and have suggested smaller tables as being preferrable. Having only three at such a table might break the spell?
All thoughts welcome.
M
Not sure when I will go home.
I think that I may now be eligible for going home. I will leave decision to J, Kand G.
Anyway I see this as the time I should finish off most of the bird food. So will be scattering generously today.
M
pigeons investigating tree buds
The tree to the left of my window must be starting to develop leaf buds on the outside surface of the tree. The wood pigeons know that this is something that they can nible on at this time of year. The are regularly two birds sitting in a prime location.
M
they are reading my mind
I was just thinking I really should write something and exercIse my mind before wandering off for a coffee. When there is a knock at the door and in comes a coffee and 5 biscuits.
So how did I do the stunt?
Answers on a postcard to ....
M
clean plate syndrome
The lady is fussy about no leaving any bread crumbs on her breakfast plate. She spends ages trying to pick up every crumb on her plate.
She is not very good at doing it. I would have licked my finger and swept up the whole lot at one go. How vulgar.
But I bet all observers are desparate for her to do this.
And I bet she will object when a server will take the plate away from her.
I am not waiting
Martin
Painters are busy outside my door
Starting at 8 oclock.
Probably necessary as I am sleeping much longer now.
M
Sunday, January 18, 2026
I have switch off the wifi signal
Because wifi is given preference to mobile signals, and the wifi forces me to use a different id, I cannot handle some simple transactions, particularly if it involves a password.
And this sometimes works snd sometimes doesn't
I wonder if some things are switched off over night. It is currently 9.30, and i could have been off at 9.00.
M
there is another wifi available with a name that is a number.
I really do no know what this is. Maybe it is so the someone can solve technical issues from a dial up line, out of hours.
I don' t seem to get anywhere if I use it to go out.
M
the clever east asian lady.
I do not understand why she is in the top floor section, which tends to have people with serious issues. I would have put her on the ground floor, without any hesitation.
She has all her marbles, as far as I can tell, and is sociable and kind.
I also don't understand why I have never seen anyone visit her.
I only come up with solutions, where a political husband/ family is in detention. I am not sure that I want to know.
M
strategy in dealing with staff
I took an opportunity to discuss strategy in dealing with service staff, after the lady complained about a server taking away her plate, before she could anything about it.
I basically stated the game theory strategies, for both once off and repeated games. I explained why they treated her badly, and why they treated me so well. The far eastern lady was part of this.
It clearly was totally contrary to her 'class' view of life, and probably a shock to be overruled by the two most sane patients.
Anyway I was pleased to be able to do something to support the staff, who take a lot of flack from her, and don't have any positive approaches for improving the situation. Now I cannot really judge how I am doing, but it cannot be as disasterous as her track record.
M
one of the distinctive characters has diappeared.
He had never been very stable in character, and certainly had odd and volatile ideas about time. His father was half alive and half dead.
But one could stand chatting with him for a bit, and he seemed to be a long term resident.
He was a complainer, particularly about his ablutions. Recently he had been getting stuck in a corridor loo, which was a bit too public.
Anyway I have not seen him for almost a week. He may be recuperating from a bug which may have been going around the building, but I don't notice any other gaps.
a slightly scruffy man is now less scruffy
We have a new occupant, who looked a bit wild to start with, but now seems a lot more sane.
I have not had any chance to talk to him yet.
Surprisingly he looks reasonablhy sane, so may there is not space on the other floors.
I am realising how the initial acclimatising can be a bit tough. Of course I have no memory of the start of my stay here. Did I go into the dining room, and get fed?
The staff have never mentioned anything, so I have no idea. My memories only start with me being totally used to the dining routine.
I probably worked out pretty soon that they were almost all worse off than me.
I may possibly have had a flash back of being taken to the dining room for the first time. But that is very vague. I certainly thought I was still in hospital, so I was used to food coming to my bed, and having an actual room for eating was way in the past.
I assume the memories are still around, but not considered of any use at the moment.
M
the bbc can make things difficult
Just to record that I found the corporations handling of the internet pretty snnoying.
I guess it is a serious risk for them in many ways, since they are still depending on their own broadcasting and locality. It is more difficult to get money out of the states, for instance.
They need to bite the bullet at some stage and become world oriented.
M
Romania has fast talkers
This might be rather sensitive. But I think I want to record my experiences.
I think that the natives like speaking rather slowly, compared to the european continent. So some europeans, if they are fluent in English, can often speak too fast for the natives. They will tend to think it is their accent that is the issue.
I certainly find some talking too fast for me.
It is amasing how well you have fitted in, but please relax a little more.
M
She doesn't like listening.
I think this is a good way of categorising her behaviour. So she stone walls one, when you try and talk to her. And she blathers nonsense at you to reduce chance that you might reply.
It only convinces me more that she is stone deaf. One could manoevre around behind her, and shout something, but I don't have sufficient interest at the moment.
When I was describing the wildlife out of the back window, she was very quiet. I now think she heard nothing, and could not see my mouth move. At least I tried.
M
Reminder ...
I have a lot of things to relearn or re-experience. And this will come at a cost of some worry and effort.
But so what. I have learnt a lot. I have managed plenty of things without too much bother. I have had wonderful support from a lot of people. And occasionally managed to help others.
I guess I will not have as much time to populate this blog with ideas, but I wont forget how it has helped me get stronger.
Thanks blog
M
Christmas lectures
Just cannot find them, other than the first one. So watching last years instead.
M
No Help!!!!
Amazing. I was not disturbed in the night with cries of help. None at all.
Maybe I slept more soundly, which I feel I did. But nothing of any note.
Maybe they put something in the food.
M
Saturday, January 17, 2026
Help!!!!!!!!
I suppose I should comment on last night, when we had someone calling for help. Calling is the wrong word. Loudly demanding might be better.
Given the strength and persistence of the calls, he appeared to be quite a strong and determined individual, and somehow should have directed his evident energies at sorting things out himself.
What is the reason for not telling us in his commentary what his problem was. I can only guess he does not want to shout " I have sprayed watery crap all over my bed"
He would get more sympathy if he was more humble and less demanding.
Perhaps people should be told to get a mobile phone and call the office, in case of a serious problem. I am sure a button could be pre programmed to do this, if the person was unaccustomed to mobiles.
M
too many able bodied eaters
The table now cannot seat all the walking diners. Indeed two ladies were unfairly pushed outside this evening.
I think the format should change, and we should have the table split into a number of smaller tables. These should then be spread out a bit. You may benefit by moving the soft drinks somewhere else nearer the serving area.
The long table reminds me of school and college dining rooms.
M
new resident
Slightly scary looking new male resident. Just looks like trouble, based on scruffy appearance. Hope I am wrong. Sits at the table. Doubt if he will approve of me, but note with interest that he was placed opposite the lady. He might do her some good?
M
Another walk in the garden
Went for another super walk in the garden with one of my nurses.
It is quite a ravine on the other side from my bedroom, with masses of bramble etc. I am slightly surprised that this is undeveloped, as it must be pretty well surrounded by other parts of Pembury.
We put some bird food out on bird feeders just at the edge of the car park. Interestingly I cannot see these from my window, and have not seen birds fly between it and my feeder.
Just occasionally my feet catch on the rough ground, but nothing to worry about.
Amazing how swish the entrance is. It is not like that on the top floor. I guess it is more friendly for potential users to have it organised like it is.
M
cutting a loop
The new bag has an on/off switch which is easy to open by accident, twice now this has cause a leakage.
I found some velcro that could be made onto a suitable closing ring. But I needed scisors to fashion it to the right size. Off to the office to get some scisors. The nurse basically said no, but one of the servers who happened to be there, just gave me a pair. Done in a trice and it works.
Wonderful to have instant support. Otherwise i would still struggling.
M
Wood pigeons have discovered the bird feeder
I have had them on the guard rail on the balcony, outside my window. There is plenty of grain on the surface below.
In a way I am surprised how long it has taken, but that ng theng them could because someone else has been feeding them for longer.
M
whatsapp must think I am the care home.
Timimg of leaving will depend on Jono' availability, I guess.
I have only a minimum of clothes etc, but I think Jono plus one may be necessary. I must remember not to overdo things
M
Getting rid of the catheter is next hurdle
I can tell that this is going to be nerve wracking, given that Tricia passed first time. I better start concentrating.
M
Apparently I am now sane
I think the headline says it all. I am now free to go home, or whatever. I guess that is why I was legally allowed to walk around the garden yesterday.
That is going to be strange event. It will be far too easy to over do things. I better start practicing to be lazy.
M
Friday, January 16, 2026
I finished making the card hoopoe model
There were many sheets of stiff card with the pieces cut in place. I foolishly thought this would make a whole family of simple birds.
Turns out that it should have made just one three dimensional bird. Eventually it made two three dimensional birds. One large, complete with glass eyes, and one small slightly thinner bird.
There were no instructions so I feel quite satisfied with this.
Jono confirmed that the tin van was not from him, so how it came to be in my room is a mystery. It is in the dining room, and unclaimed.
M
My weight
Obviously I lost a lot of weight in hospital, and my weight gain in the care home has been fairly noteworthy. I still have very scrawny arms.
However I probably need to slow up, and stabalise soon.
M
Jono and trisha visited
Plans are developing for having me out of this place, and a move to Goring. I think there are enough good minds thinking about this, and said I think I should leave it up to them.
We took a walk around the garden, which was very exciting. The first time outside for probably over three months if not longer.
M
the lady looked out of the window
When I go to the end of the corridor, I always turn a chair round so I can see outside. She used to always turn them round to look up the corridor. She rarely sat in her chair for long, and I immediately would turn that chair round to face outside.
This stand off has been going on for a bit. But amazingly this afternoon she sat in the other chair looking out of the window. I immediately started talking about the birds, the diversity of the trees, the possibility of seeing deer, etc and she stayed and maybe listened. Anyway she then departed without moving the chair.
It was hard work, but to make any progress with her is amazing.
M
Other mental effects.
Having now seen a possible purpose for hallucinations, I wonder what other things there might be, that are similarly seen as failing mental operations.
Nightmares? Stammer? Fainting? Stutter?
M
Hallucinations have a fundamental purpose. speed of action.
I guess most people would think of them as a serious health risk. I now think they are very clever warning system, which should be seen as an amazing achievement.
Basically it takes a long time to fill in the moving picture of vision. The band width and distances are bound to be restrictions of some sort. So the brain has a problem to cope with dangerous situations. But it has a lot of past history, and may have a knowledge of past events, which it already has available from a sepate channels. These can be seen as additional channels to help speed defense mechanisms.
I think the person is described as hallucinating for seeing things that cannot have come from the eye. Depending on the scene, a huge amount of what he normally sees might be hallucinations. Did the eye just see a chunk of grey colour moving through the trees? But the person might say he saw a wood pigeon, and claim to see the wing bars. I note elsewhere my view that bird experts falsely claim to see far more diagnostic features, than the average person.
The other example I would use is the sports person, who manages to do incredible shots, when the information about its current position has had no chance of reaching the brain yet. I claim his vision includes a huge amount of hallucinations, representing previously gained knowledge. Now you could claim other channels were used, but I think that is stupid, because hallucinations are a perfectly good existing channel integrated into the eyesight.
So the speed of reaction benefits from the compactness of the necessary elements.
Now I do not want to claim that batsmen will play the same stroke as he would have if he had perfect information, but I do claim he will not play the same shot as if he had no additional info.
This does tend to lead the good fives player to attempt a slightly less ambitious shot.
So overall I should not be surprised when I hallucinate. It will depend on the extent and nature which determines if the is on the good or bad side.
Hope you enjoyed my break-through, having had quite a bit of experience.
Martin
We changed my pee bag, after a small leak developed somewhere.
It was way beyond its life. With Tricia's , we changed weekly. This thing could have been the original one.
Anyway changed and working fine.
I have altered my sleeping arrangements, as well, and the extra comfort and a few other things mean that I am sleeping even better than before!
M
free range of the service area
I am being treated much more like a member of staff, rather than an inmate. I can quite gailly make myself coffee with some biscuits on the side.
I am being treated like a member of staff. If offered a move to another floor, I would probably do what they want me to do. But I am not desparate to move currently.
M
Asked yet again about the whereabouts of my calendar
the painters are here.
they have been painting the left handside, as judged from the main car park. This has seriously reduced the walking area for those people who wander, and more people have been parking theselves outside my room which is a nuisance. One person in particular is prone to enter my room. Bad dementa patient.
I am having to tie up my door. I suspect that will stop them. But it is a pain.
Martin
played my first game of clock patience yesterday
I played what i think is clock patience. It seemed to go fine, though i am not sure if I completed it or not
Nobody took the slightest interest.
Martin
why are model construction instructions so terrible.
At least I had the sense to use as little glue as I dare. It is relatively easy to separate and reglue with almost no damage.
This model of hoopoes, and I assumed , given the number of wings, that was going to be a family group. No, it is just one bird in three-d.
It had some numbering system on individual pieces, like L3 or R5. The pieces were all small variations of a common theme. This really was not helpful until it was far too late
Anyway I managed to do a good job with glue, in that it is trivial to separate again and again. Just so annoying.
However it is finished, and looking surprisingly good.
M
Thursday, January 15, 2026
I don't have the right background to recognise the character
The lady rushs when walking along. Eats plenty, never needs physical help, and can talk perfectly well when she needs to. So I am baffled as to why some things are so screwy!
She does have some odd habits with her paper napkins at the dining table, which she effectively disects, and shreads, and appears to write on with either end of a fork or spoon. No ink or stain, so it does not leave any marks. It is almost a mime, or religeous act.
She may be one of the fittest and rudest occupants. I have not seen any visitors, she does not have friends in the staff, or residents at the dining table. Indeed she complains audibly about the staff, and will never thank them.
It is all so unnecessary.
I guess nobody can be bothered to tell her how to at least get better service from the staff.
I suppose I have a duty to at least try to improve the staff's situation. It will be a miracle if it has any effect.
Watch this space.
M
slight modification of tactic with lady
My hearing is pretty good, but I always have difficulty with her chats. But it has helped me develop a slight twist.
When I fail to hear, I state I did not hear properly, and repeat quite loudly, so she can hear, how I heard it. This is normally pretty much gobbledigook. But that is fine. She then struggles to construct something out it, and then I conclude that I have absolutely no idea what she is saying. She then normally shuts up.
So I can be seen as being as helpful as I can, while actually exposing her meaninglessness.
Normally her victims will effectively mumble their agreement with her, without having heard or understood anything. So my helpfulness and clarity completely foxed her.
Today she was pretty rude to the servers, but because she tends to push things away from herself if she feels like it, she actually had her food all cleared away before she could come back to it. So she had nothing to eat as well.
I cannot see that she will learn any way other than the hard way. Most of the dementia patients are perpetually falling asleep. She never does, so whatever illness she has, I do not think it is dementia. Her walking is confident, strong and quite speedy. She is always alert.
These sessions are quite open, so visible and audible, and I hope will allow some others to realise that they could use these tactics themselves.
M
setting up a tablet as a mobile phone. what am I doing wrong?
Because I don't like mobiles I just have not got the experience. But I notice that J and K seem to use their phones here without problems.
But I just am not getting the right prompting.
Maybe it is because the network insists on giving me a name, that does not have a phone network.
I must try whoami.
M
why do dementia patients sleep so much?
Not sure if this is true, but I have an example in front of me asleep.
I think some of the dementia states must use up a lot of energy in the brain, hence a need to regularly recover.
I think that before I had the three stages way of exploring, I would rush around and exhaust myself. The beautiful thing now is that I know the first stage is full of interesting things, that I should not get hung up with, as they are probably not genuine. So am perfectly happy revisiting it and recovering.
Maybe the dementia person gets stuck into it, and keeps getting exhausted, has to sleep, and then starts all over again. He would keep panicking as he is worried he will never manage to get beyond the first stage.
Now this is rather spoilt by the fact that my model such case, has woken up and calmly walked along the corridor. But I bet he is now asleep in the dining room.
However I want to explore the idea that people need to be able to absorb themselves at will in trivia to stop themselves getting into a vicious circle. Be it doing a blog, a crossword, a game of patience etc. (a pack of cards has just been delivered to my table in my bedroom!). It is particularly important not to continue what they were doing.
Now this model begs all sorts of questions about reversibility. I think I would say simply it will more reversible than you currently think, but not easy.
M
shaving and brushing teeth
My routine now starts with these two, and I manage to finish before I get too bored. I don't get any comments at all. I think I will have to wait till after my haircut.
M
catheter fine.
Everything seems just fine, and it is lovely having nice cloth backing back.
M
Wednesday, January 14, 2026
what does she see?
Now I have given my thoughts on her hearing, what about her sight?
This is more complicated, in that she is the only one involved. One is rather trespassing on her territory here. But some insights may provide carers with greater opportunities to help.
She does lots of doodling typically using both ends of a desert spoon and typically on sheets taken from a napkin. She makes no visible marks on the paper. She will sometimes mumble, maybe approval or success.
This operation often takes place just after food has been delivered to her. She does go back to the food later. So this is obviously a snub to the server.
If you ask what she is doing, you get gobbledegook, probably as a snub. She looks totally committed to the operation.
Now the whole operation makes her look mad. But I think it is just exhibiting disdain for others. It is her two finger salute to the world, or rather us.
I think the correct action is basically to treat it as just a very minor quirk of hers that can safely be ignored. A sensible response might be 'give us a shout when you are finished'. That is, don't give her any success or attention.
If she starts talking to you about it, just say you don't understand what she is saying. Ie it's all mumbo-jumbo to you.
Now I am writing this to help her. She is not doing herself any favours with this behaviour.
M
Catheter changed
Had some help this time. Trying a strap, but I don't think I will continue with it.
M
Handling this apps suggestions
My previous comments on communication delays can be overcome by concentrating on getting it to suggest solutions, and then hit the complete word. This works surprisingly well, as its guesses are surprisingly good.
M
People with dementia
There is a frequent assumption that such people have lost their marbles. I think it is more complicated, with issues on both sides.
The patient is obviously seeing himself as the underdog based on his experience, and probably wants to be more forceful to improve the balance. The helper just wants an , and and easy life with no trouble from the patient. It is unlikely to end well. And that confirms both sides' opinions.
The helper has to be an extremely good listener to be able to navigate this sensibly. The patient must try and remain relaxed. This will rarely happen.
It is probably best just to walk away and come back to it later. But few people are capable of this.
My father experienced a number of emergencies with my mother's health, and he reacted as well as anyone to the situation.
I guess I am saying demented people react badly if pushed, and carers tend to push. Dare one say it, more haste less speed.
M
Response time on network is so bad..
that this application keeps making hideous errors in its text. It obviously expects that the editing instructions coming from the Internet, have finished arriving, and that it can continue locally. Then they arrive.
Very annoying
Maybe that this is exacerbated by having trouble with vpn stuff
M
suckers
Maybe my headline is a bit strong.
Katherine visited yesterday with Tricia, and had brought some new suckers for my bird feeder window box.
I have now fitted them successfully.
M
Outburst at breakfast table.
The guy who annoyed me so much last week, that I lashed out at him, was at it again at breakfast, and was pretty violent with one of the more senior staff. She is quite capable of defending herself, but it was an eye-opener.
I am slightly disappointed that it did not reconnect him to his voice, and he remained stubbornly quiet. I bet he is classified as demented. I think there is more to his case, but I have no idea what. Some serious trauma.
When he gets quite close to you, he acts just as if he wants to tell you something important, but at last minute baulks at it. Poor sod.
M
folding paper napkins
With a background of some of the residents doing seated tennis with balloons to music, I was helping fold pairs of paper napkins into a triangular shape. My good deed for the day. Mindless bliss no doubt.
I guess I am reconsidering my policy of keeping the natives happy. I think I will advocate the simplicity and personal pleasure of having one's own personal perfect squares.
Anyway I am not going to join the exercise squad in a hurry. It is impressive how many of the chair bound inmates joined in, but not for me, just yet.
M
Is anything infinite?
I think that I am favouring the idea that everything is actually finite. This may seem outrageous, but all other possibilities end up with too many questions and problems.
For instance which infinity is one using. Are you allowing irrational numbers?
It certainly makes God's job more manageable.
A finite universe, a beginning and end to it, unique people with no duplicates, something manageable for God.
A finite amount to write on the subject
M
games of patience and patients
I like the sound confusion here.
I feel that this is an an opportunity for some of the residents here. It might not achieve much, but it has to be better than the TV or snoozing. I have asked for a pack. I have found plenty of Web sites for instructions.
Watch this space,
Martin
It has arrived.
My replacement catheter bag has arrived, and is in my bedroom.
Reminds me about the weekly changes that I did for Tricia.
God knows when or if my bag has been changed.
M
Tuesday, January 13, 2026
who has a pack of cards?
I rather suspect that the lady might enjoy a game of patience.
I will ask the office, and play the odd game in the dining room. Let's see what happens.
Martin
the explanation is always dementia
I am obviously sensitive to this, after family histories, but it seems rather too much an explanation that leads nowhere.
I guess my reasoning is that I am not always convinced that the individuals could not snap out of their confusions. Dementia implies to me that the patient has no road to recovery. The risk is that people then don't bother to look for the facts of a case.
Dementia implies irreversible, and that there is no need to try and solve the disfunctions.
Now maybe this is wrong, and that they can scan for physical evidence.
One of the 'recruits' by my strange pair was dismissed a dementia case in a discussion. Now this might be correct, but that is not a reason to throw him to those scavengers.
I think there should be a games room, where could get exercise and stimulation. Surely they could be encouraged to bring the odd game or sport with them when moving in. Even tasks looking after potted plants in the place, or playing games of patience could provide a little pride and stimulation.
This would be better than the odd musical entertainment.
I guess I would list things like birdwatching, bird feeder, games, computer, books, model building, discussion.
I think I might ask for a deck of cards, and play a few games. The Internet should have some instructions.
M1
the fabulous parallel processor that must cheat like mad
Just open your eyes.
How does it manage such instant delivery? Well obviously not instant, in that the eyes have to communicate to parts of the brain. But it is pretty incredible.
The communication will have a number of channels, but it is pretty amazing.
Or is it. Does it cheat by just send its best guess? Đ
Most of our machines until recently were pretty honest. Strictly not guessing or filling in the gaps and the edges. And this probably influences us to assume the same for living things, and in particular ourselves.
Well I contend that this is plain wrong, and life is full of total guesses, strange blind spots, falsehoods, etc. It is probably not in our interest to query it.
I am convinced that our senses are an amazing con-trick, which works well with other earth inhabitants. It may seem that I am doing amazing processing in order to hit the ball in a game of Rugby Fives, but I think this is only a simple guessing game.
Or when I open my eyes in the middle of a wood, and can instantly see a fantastically complicated twig structure. It
Is some sort of magic trick. But it serves us very well, and will probably be the best that can be done, to help us survive.
We will correct things as fast as possible in places which are important for us.
So when the brain has problems, one it likely to have all sorts of 'hallucinations'. These are trying to help, though maybe way off the mark. I think that the key is to take your time evaluating things, accept that your brain is offering something that might help, but also may not. Take your time to consider it, being grateful that it is at least trying. Once you have got that far, see if you could find a second opinion knocking around. Don't feel you have to quickly choose between them. Take your time and be glad that it is still trying to help. You do not have to do anything.
Don't worry that the bird you thought you spotted, is nowhere to be seem. Or looks very like what you did see yesterday. Or you feel you are replaying some session you had with your doctor. Who cares if it is. You should be thankful to be building up the experience of this replay.
This is not a recipe book, just a plea to put a value on the experience.
It can be very hard work, and insist on plenty of rest.
If you are an observer, rather than the person with problems, just stay in there. Do much less pushing than you natively want to.
Martin
a couple of postings may be missing
fire alarm test this morning
All the doors unlocked, but I think k I was the only person to think of taking advantage of that. But I think I get more perks as a member of staff.
M
my pee bag has developed a small leak.
Bit of a nuisance. Of course I have no idea how long this bag has lasted, but the white fluffy side looks pretty worn out.
M
up to date now
I have cleared out the odd bits of junk that were around the chain from my tablet to the Web site.
M
strawberry moose
I caught the lady taking a huge bowl of said sweet from behind the serving bar. She must have been planning to share it with others, namely the strange man.
I just managed to curb my I pulse to laugh out loud.
M
Monday, January 12, 2026
some bedrooms have comfy chairs
The easy chairs with stuffed cushions come in varying colours. The evil duo have often moved single cushions to other places along the corridor, and they stand out as both in the wrong place and in the wrong colour. And some chairs elsewhere are missing cushions.
However today there were no chairs missing cushions, but there were two surplus cushions. Some of inmates must have these easy chairs in their rooms!!! I don't. Inequality!!!
M
even more
An interesting technique being used, but does not fool the expert.
When the main evening meal is given her, she rejects it, in a very perfunctory way. It is then taken away by the server. The next one or two servers get the same treatment. "How dare they offer me this miserable food".
Then an experienced server leaves the dish just the other side of the table, infront of her. When that server has gone away, she takes the food and eats a reasonable chunk of it.
What kicks she gets from this ridiculous behavior, I have no idea.
And to cap it all, I went back after supper had finished, and she was behind the serving counter in the corner eating a ridiculously large bowl of the strawberry moose sweet, with nobody except myself to see her. Even if she shares it with the guy would cannot talk with me, it was very large.
M
more on the lady
I think that she is probably stone deaf. I don't think she answered a single question or assertion at lunch today. She responds, but it seems never to be on my topic.
While if I do things by moving something on the table, like retreaving my paper napkin which she has moved to her side, she is on subject. She is remarkably acquisitive at the table, both in objects and space.
When flustered she will often come out with 'words' that I have never heard of, and I assume are made up. She does not respond if I challenge her on this.
I guess not many ever challenge her, and she does seem surprised when I do.
I suspect that I have got as far as I can go, and I can only see myself trying to protect others from her.
Her only risk is in having more able disciples.
M
chattering teeth lady
Totally unrelated to things I have previously mentioned.
There is a lady inmate who has chattering teeth. It would seem an involuntary action. Only noticeable at the jaw, rather any other of the limbs.
She now does a routine which involves walking to the end of the corridor and back.
Then after walking, her teeth do not chatter
She walks strongly, and I see her in a totally different complextion! Her new carer seems to know what he is doing. It is a miracle to see. Definitely 'get up and walk'.
How far she can extend this 'power' walking will be interesting mind over matter.
M
how about me being taken home for tea, and then returning for supper?
a walk around the gardens/building
A reminder that if allowed, I would love a gentle walk around the outside of the care home. I am sure Jono or Katherine would be allowed to take me.
M
ask Jono
There is tin volkswagon container in the dining room here. It is great one that had been in my room and then disappeared. Was it a Xmas gift with choco.ates that someone nicked, or is this your imagination
This is a reminder to ask when he is here
M
hair dresser
I gather that a ladies hairdresser comes more frequently. So have put myself down for thus.
I plan major reduction. Thinning, above the moveable eyebrows, tapered at the back, off the ears.
Hope she accepts the challenge.
Martin
pressure for daily cleanliness increasing
I guess I am going to offend some of the staff here.
The thought that you need a daily total clean is widespread. The idea that thousands of years of evolution, has dealt with the problems is ridiculed. That is the odd playful dip in rivers and lakes is sufficient.
The advertising has been far too successful.
Getting back to people having their own natural smells is long over due. And could make relationships more enjoyable.
M
imagination, left hemisphere, and right hemisphere
I think this was my crude split for my thoughts. The first was the most important in that I had to accept that some things and plans had no substance to them and should be only held as cautionary tales.
The second two were more real and I could see it as a discussion, with no correct truth or answer.
These allowed me to more calmly review my situation, and only do things in much smaller and less disastrous ways.
It seems to have helped me cope with recovery, but it clearly comes with all sorts of caveats, which professional psychotherapists might dismiss. But so what is new?
M
what is secret of recovery?
I clearly must have been confused as hell with hallucinations.
Somehow I feel that accepting the existence of them was rather Important. And then treating them as something to research, without worrying about them. Of course one was going to have lots of garbage.
I think I had three levels of them, the first being things that never happened.
It allowed me to calm down, and take my time.
I guess visitors could be scared by such an approach
M
singer entertained us
Sometimes these guys can be reasonable listening. There was a pre Christmas session on one of the other floors that I went to, which was fun. This was a little harder to really appreciate.
I really think a disc would be better ie someone playing some historic discs. A visit down memory lane.
Anyway I survived.
M
antibiotic treatment finished
Glad to report the seven day course seems to be over. The foam stopped and the gew has cleared.
Seven days, two doses a day. There was some confusion, about the length of the course, and it may be they have a spare box of it now.
M
how many days will a shirt be wearable?
At school, we had detachable collars. The collar was changed everyday, the shirt every week. I think we were encouraged to wear stiff starched collars, which needed changing everyday. The shirt lasted a week.
Remember this is in the coal fire era, and steam trains. It was a dirty environment. And we rushed around the place in breaks and between lessons and cycled into school.
In here, people don't want me to wear a shirt for more than a day. I try and point out that the advertising by my company, Unilever, used to be over the top with whiteness, and should not be taken seriously. To no avail. They really belief that crap.
Obviously the more recent advertising the benefits of dirt were total failures of common sense.
M
her companion fared worse
He brazenly took the TV remote while I was sitting in my room. He got a backhanded punch in my anger. Don't think he was expecting it. He considered coming into main breakfast room this morning twice, but turned back when he saw me at the table and he very sheepishly retreated.
I hope that is the last of his pestilentious intrusions.
M
Sunday, January 11, 2026
whirlwind ticking off
The woman and her coterie continue to be nuisance moving the chairs and their cushions around, resulting in some being without seats effectively.
I am adopting a tactic of giving her a dressing down and walking away before she can reply. Then recovering one of the cushions, and basically repeating the dressing down before she has a chance to reply.
It is good for me as I let off steam. Bad for her because she has almost no way of giving any excuse. She cannot stop my good deed either.
I hope that I am making it plain that she does not have free range of the corridors. Independent of whether she can hear or not.
Here's hoping
M
being complimented on my room.
Not sure what this is about.
Maybe it is because it has books, computers, pictures, bird feeder, Xmas presents. They do have pictures in the corridors, and maybe none in individual rooms.
Just having one large picture would be an improvement.
I think I should be charging consultancy fees.
M
washed and shaved
Plucked up courage to use the shower in anger.
Easy peasy.
Full body wash and hair wash. Nobody noticed any difference at breakfast, and indeed offered these -'necessities' to me.
I have said firmly once a week, and I am doing it. I doubt if that will stop them.
M
lots of cleaners ...
I seem to attract the cleaners employed here, in that I would expect cleaners say three times a week, plus emergencies of course.
I seem to get three times a day.
I always welcome them, and stay put myself. You cannot really have much chat with the noises.
Anyway I take it as a compliment, and a comment on the others.
M
multiple TV channels
I don't know how many channels there are on the TV in my room, but frankly they seem to be all a total waste of time.
Continuing to support broadcasting, rather than the Internet seems a total waste of money and effort. Just shut down the broadcasting, and slim down if you want to survive.
Even more for audio/radio
M
birds
Saw my first long tailed tit here.
Blue tits seem now to be a regular bird feeder visitor.
Magpies seem to have disappeared. I guess that in cold weather they might go to lower altitudes, near rivers etc.
M
why are there more men than women in the care home?
OK, so this is on the top floor, and the ratio may be reversed on the other floors.
But the quality of the women, that we do have is wquite good, except for one exception of course.
I have no idea what is going on, but in general the men, are badly behaved. Maybe the wives are finally getting their revenge. There are not that number or frequency of wife visits, yet statistically I feel there should be more because of their longer life spans and earlier marrying ages.
The idea of being abandoned in a care home, is a very depressing thought. So I am stopping now.
M
The views from the windows are pretty boring
How about some bird feeders?
Now the windows are potentially a problem, in that the don't open wide. But I manage.
This might give pleasure to many, and use up some of the gross food waste that there is in the dining room. Some inmates or visitors could help with logistics, and give them some purpose.
I do no fancy having anything caged. For obvious reasons.
M
Are there any memory games the inmates could enjoy?
There must be plenty of addictive games that many patients could play, and many of these could have a beneficial effect.
At the moment the only things they can do are
- talk to themselves
- talk to others
- watch TV
They need more challenges, more variety, more examples of thing they could do.
Why not
. daily crossword
. General knowledge quiz
. A thought for the day
. Hide and seek, find hidden treasure
. Etc etc
The staff should take it in turns (say weekly) to organise.
Visitors can be roped in, it it may improve their lot as well
It might encourage showing off, conpetitiveness, arguments, etc. Jolly good
Get some advice from Butlins ...
M
showered this morning and nobody noticed.
how do you help someone who cannot talk
One of the inmates cannot quite manage to talk. He will come up to one and try to communicate, but nothing really happens. Very sad.
He is friendly with the lady who cannot hear.
It is as if talking by himself or you, just block all his abilities.
I feel it would be easier to write him short notes, rather than talk to him.
The staff basically use the two extremes, that is force or ignore, which probably makes his condition even worse.
Do I pass him a piece of paper, with 'please read to
my notes, and write back if you want to. You may find this more manageable'
He can write on the notes given to him, or find some writing material himself.
The staff could use this method. And become slightly less intimidating as a result.
I have no idea why he is as he is. And I would probably query anybodies answers.
Martin
what keeps a catheter in place?
I think there is a balloon structure at the end of the tube, which is naturally in an inflated state. So to get it out you have to suck the air out. You could do this with a very narrow flexible pipe pushed down the catheter pipe.
This is really quite a cunning solution.
I guess you could even make it work without the pipe if the length of the catheter is tough enough. Just suck the external end of the pipe.
I have not seen it done yet
M
Saturday, January 10, 2026
the other patients
For completeness I should mention those not eating at the table.
Away from the table I have little to contribute. So much is driven by the patients need to eat at least a survival ration, go to the loo, and not to disturb others.
I guess I would go for better entertainment viewing. The angle of viewing, the content, and the use of headphones would be what I would concentrate on. However probably all you need to do is visit a few other better care homes.
This whole area is just plain difficult. Sky diving may be the better solution.
)-:
M
